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#3 The Third Personality Type is the Cross-Dominant: What Is A Cross-Dominant And Why You Should Stay Out Of Their Way
Welcome to the third Special Organizing Style (SOS) Personality Type.
In prior posts we examined the Sparklebrain (the right brain person: dynamic, emotional, decorative, and zipping around all over the place,) and the Linear (the left brain person: staid, single-focused, logical, and almost always in the same place.)
This article is about a combination of the two: I call them Cross-Dominants, because these people use both the emotional and the logical sides of their brains; the name comes from the fact that the two sides alternate and vie for dominance.
Is this you?
This is the longest article of the three Personality Types, but it's especially helpful if you are a Cross-Dominant, or if you married, work with, or live with one.
(Note: Throughout this article I alternate s/he, with her/him, etc., because Cross-Dominants come in both genders. The others do to, but they tend to trend heavily to one side.)
The Cross-Dominant is the one sucking her teeth and rolling her eyes, acting exasperated, looking like a Type A, and always trying to herd kittens — even though she knows it won’t work. She is the one who tries to do everything by herself, all the while feeling guilty that she's still not doing enough for other people.
Cross-Dominants often use both sides of their brains at once, and have an overview of what’s going on, much like the view from an airplane. When they focus, they can move mountains.
Cross-Dominants make good pilots, astronauts, surgeons, entrepreneurs, inventors, philosophers, and fit well in other “visionary” professions. Think “Renaissance person,” and you’ve got the general idea.
Like pilots, Cross-Dominants are in control (or should be,) managing hundreds of instruments and conduct complex operations at the same time. They’re either zooming along at hundreds of miles an hour, taking off, landing, or at a complete stop. They rarely move slowly, because they can't: if they slow down, they'd crash (or at least that's what their mind tells them.)
Because of that natural overview, Cross-Dominants can see, and therefore can communicate, what lies ahead. The only problem is that they keep “landing the plane” (interrupting their own work to help others, or even to do other people’s jobs for them — wanted or not!) This leads to disconnects, do-overs, and frustration on everyone's part.
It's a very big challenge for Cross-Dominants to “just fly the plane;” in other words, to stay focused, re-direct interruptions, stay at their desk, do only their own jobs, and let others do theirs. It's almost impossible for them to mind their own business, because to them, they are responsible for everyone on "the plane." They feel that anything that disturbs the "flight" is ultimately their responsibility.
They need to find ways to monitor problems, delegate, and move forward without trying to solve everything themselves.
When you realize they’re busy running the entire operation, and that in order to answer your question or address your issue they have to rearrange their entire, complex to-do list, you'll realize why they do that eye-rolling, teeth-sucking thing.
Here's how Cross-Dominants plan: First they make a list.
Then they start thinking of things they have to do before each one, and before those, and before those…so every time they add to the list, they are writing upwards instead of down. Finally they get the now-messy list done, but by then it's noon and they're frustrated.
Then somebody hollers that they need help, so the CROSS-DOMINANT abandons their plan completely to go help them. Of course that means their list goes to hell.
Next day, same thing.
Other people don’t get it at all; the Whirling Dervish style makes no sense to them, so they often criticize it or try to force a change in plans. The Cross-Dominant willing throws those changes into the mix without realizing that others see only part of the project while s/he sees the entire thing. To be effective, every Cross-Dominant needs to inform people of how each change will affect other people, their jobs, and the desired outcome. Don't assume they see with your eyes!
When the Cross-Dominant is coming up with a new plan, getting excited by a new design, or moving furniture, she is in her Sparklebrain mode. When she’s focused on the budget, telling you, “one thing at a time!” or concentrating on code, her Linear side is in charge. It’s not really fair of you to tell her to “pick a mood and stick with it.” That’s like asking you to pick one food to eat for the rest of your life.
1. HOW TO RECOGNIZE A CROSS-DOMINANT:
The Cross-Dominant is a hybrid of our first type, the Sparklebrain (creative, dynamic, right-brained,) and our second type, the Linear (logical, focused, left-brained.)
Two Cross-Dominants can be as different as cats and quahogs. One Cross-Dominant might exhibit 80% Linear behavior and 20% Sparklebrain behavior, another 60% Sparklebrain and 40% Linear, or any combination of the two.
Now imagine a Cross-Dominant who is 50% Sparklebrain and 50% Linear: she’s bubbly, outgoing, and wears those wild earrings — but, surprise! You can always count on her to do exactly as she says. She may seem ditzy at times, but she's very, very accomplished. And yes, she leaves early, but did you ever notice that she came in hours before anyone else? That’s why she gets praise — and raises — over and over again.
2. A SHORTCUT TO IDENTIFYING CROSS-DOMINANTS:
Ask your suspected Cross-Dominant if s/he is a starter (Sparklebrain) or a finisher (Linear). If s/he hesitates, then says, "well, I do both; I start a lot of things, but I don’t finish much — only what I’m interested in,” you are talking to a Cross-Dominant for sure!
If you ask a question, a Cross-Dominant will start with the conclusion, and then give the detail. For example, they'll say, "Yes, and here's why," or, "No, for the following reasons." (Compare this to Sparklebrains who will meander, or Linears who will grunt, ignore you, or give the answer to whatever topics they're thinking of!)
Cross-Dominants hate repetitive tasks. They want to experience new things. This is just one reason they hate filing: they’ve already filed. And, often, no matter what they’re doing, they feel like they should be doing something else.
Cross-Dominants don’t procrastinate. They stop a project when they lose interest. When I am giving a speech to Cross-Dominants, I suggest they replace the word “procrastination” with the phrase “intentional rescheduling.”
Cross-Dominants are not exactly the most patient people on earth. You can recognize them by the way they roll their eyes, suck their teeth, hiss, and mutter, “Jeez!” The Cross-Dominant can seem — well, dominant, selfish, or even intimidating at first. But don't take it personally; there is a reason. Imagine you are juggling plates, you've just gotten them all balanced and spinning correctly, and somebody comes up and slaps you on your sunburned back. Yowch!
A Cross-Dominant is like an orchestra conductor: s/he stands while others are seated, and literally oversees — sees over — all the players. S/he directs, even though s/he cannot play, (does not need to know how to play,) every instrument.
The conductor is in charge of timing, among other things (so is the drummer, but only for his own drums. The drummer cannot be blamed if the violinist comes in late, and cannot chastise her — but the conductor can, does, and probably will.) Most of all, the conductor must never leave the podium; that would leave the rest of the orchestra in chaos. So if you are a Cross-Dominant, make a note: always keep conducting; do not leave your podium.
Now you understand things from the Cross-Dominant's point of view.
3. THE CROSS-DOMINANT MOTTO: "I HAVE A REASON FOR EVERYTHING I DO."
You can always count on Cross-Dominants to have reasons for everything they do, even if that reason is, "I'll get to it when the time comes," or "I have to wait for a return email before I can begin that project," or even "I don't want to do it at all." The point is that they know what they're doing or not doing and why; they haven't punted it — although they still feel guilty because it's not 100% completed.
You can also count on Cross-Dominants to never tell you their reasons: they think you’ve received them by osmosis. After all, that’s how they figure things out, so they assume you do too.
Every true Cross-Dominant is a Renaissance person with many hobbies and interests, multiple talents, and with multi-tasking hard-wired into their brains. Cross-Dominants are the over-achievers; the ones who try to do everything, and often all at once. They are the people with 500 things on their To-Do lists — and they complain because they get done only 200 per day. “Multiple” is one of the major indicators of a Cross-Dominant personality.
Whatever needs to be done, Cross-Dominants will do as a matter of course. Go ahead; let them pick lint off the carpet, pick apart the budget draft (they will spot impending problems and save you money,) and pick out whatever else needs picking. And while they’re working out that wedgie, they’re probably also working out World Peace.
4. WHEN CROSS-DOMINANTS ARE DISORGANIZED:
The problems start when Cross-Dominants attempt to force themselves into left-brain-only or right-brain-only work, especially for long periods of time. They just cannot stay in one mode or the other; for them, effectiveness and the ability to think fluidly and solve problems come from both sides of their brain.
Cross-Dominants also don’t do well with tasks laid out in a Linear fashion (for example, "clear your desk off at the end of the day," or "do one thing at a time.") Because of their half-rebellious, half-obedient nature, they try to make themselves conform to these Linear “shoulds,” but immediately lose focus and feel guilty or inept (imagine an accomplished pilot who berates herself for not also serving drinks to passengers, loading all luggage personally, and even washing the plane between flights.)
Trouble creeps in when the two sides of the brain alternate: when they are changing from mode to another, or when they’re interrupted. Cross-Dominants often think they are going crazy, but they’re not; their situation is more like that of a pilot who already knows how to fly, but now has passengers (who are not pilots) interrupting their multiple thought processes with contradictory advice while they’re on an unfamiliar plane and they have to pee.
When Cross-Dominants are disorganized they feel as if they're at the tail end of a game of crack-the-whip. Their concentration and follow-through become poor, their minds switch back and forth rapidly from detail to overview, and they feel like they are hanging on to a rapidly alternating see-saw.
Yup, it's like that.
5. WHEN CROSS-DOMINANTS ARE ORGANIZED:
When Cross-Dominants are organized they make great directors, managers, and leaders. Everyone follows them naturally, because their common-sense is so attractive and, so, well, common sense. They know how to view both the big picture and the small details at the same time, and they can make all the parts blend seamlessly. They also get a lot more done in a day than either a Sparklebrain or a Linear, in spite of the amount of time they spend helping other people (which is way, way too much time). They are natural nurturers, but they often forget to nurture themselves.
Cross-Dominants know exactly how they want things done, but they end up trying to do everything themselves “so it’ll get done right.” If it turns out wrong they'll blame you, forgetting they took the project out of your hands a long time ago.
6. STORY ABOUT A CROSS-DOMINANT TRYING TO DO ONE THING TOO MANY:
Meet Sara, a Cross-Dominant. She’s an artist, homemaker, mother, wife, photographer, chef, researcher, decorator, world-class shopper, list-maker, reader, and world-traveler. She could give Martha Stewart a run for her money, but she has the classic Cross-Dominant problem: She wants to do everything, do it herself, and do it all now. To her, no project is too big or too small to take on; no possibilities can remain unexamined; no half-formed thought remains unspoken.
Sara’s husband is a doctor. One night they were visiting neighbors who lived up the hill from them. When it was time to go home, Doctor Husband went down the steps to the street, but Sara stayed on the porch talking. Finally she started down the stairs, and then, in classic Cross-Dominant fashion, turned to say, “Oh, wait — one more thing,” and immediately fell all the way to the bottom. It was so bad that her husband, with all his medical training, thought she was dead.
Thankfully Sara ended up with "only" a concussion, cracked ribs, and a black eye, but she still hasn’t gotten over her basic Cross-Dominant behavior of telling herself she can do "just one more thing.”
Are you a "just one more thing” person? In what way is it costing you?
7. HOW TO TALK TO A CROSS-DOMINANT:
· NEVER tell him to “Just relax, things will take care of themselves.”
· She really can do many things at one time. She just doesn’t necessarily want to do your stuff when you want her to do it.
· So he did it differently last week; that’s his prerogative.
· So she stopped a project halfway through. Before you judge, realize that she stopped to make your dinner. Next time you accuse her of procrastinating, you might not eat for a week.
· Make a new rule: Whoever does the job gets to do it their own way.
· Remember the orchestra analogy? She’s keeping all the musicians in time, reading the score, conducting, correcting errors, and much, much more. Try not to interrupt. In other words, look at what she’s doing before you throw in your opinion, comment, or directive . You wouldn’t want her talking during the football game except during commercials, right? It’s the same thing. Well, close, anyway.
8. TIPS FOR CROSS-DOMINANTS:
· Learn to delegate properly.
· Stop taking on new projects for a while, and see what changes.
· Stop taking on other people’s work, responsibilities, and obligations.
· Practice starting sentences with "I want…," "No," and "Not yet."
· Hire qualified help that matches the work Personality Type needed: Place Sparklebrains in design, entertainment, reception, graphics, and communication positions, and Linears in tech, detective work, manual labor, and high finance positions. Use Cross-Dominants (they like being useful!) for management/supervision, hiring and training, overview work, project management, and other "overview/orchestra conducting" tasks.
9. THINGS YOU SHOULD SAY TO A CROSS-DOMINANT:
· I can see you have a lot to do, so I'll make this brief.
· How can I help?
· It's possible you are the only one in this crazy marching band going in the right direction!
· Let's hire someone who knows how to take delegation and execute appropriately.
· Yes, it all has to get done; but it doesn't all have to get done today.
10. THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A CROSS-DOMINANT:
· Why don’t you learn to focus? (Even though it may be true, it comes across as accusatory and condescending.)
· Oooh, shiny thing!
· Hurry up!
· Let’s start over from the beginning. (No need; he got it the first six repetitions.)
· Relax/calm down/put that machete down.
· Well, I got all of my work done today, what’s your problem? Based on the complexity of each of her to-do's, it’s probably an apples-to-oranges comparison (like texting once vs. landing an unfamiliar plane in the dark with one of the engines out.)
11. WHAT'S ON A CROSS-DOMINANT'S MIND:
· There is so much to do!
· How am I going to get all of this done?
· I have to do all of this myself!
· I have to do it all today!
· When am I going to find the time?
· I’ll just have to make the time!
· I can squeeze in one more task/errand/phone call if I hurry.
12. CROSS-DOMINANT STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
Strengths:
· Highly intelligent
· Interested in many things
· Knowledgeable
· Can see both sides of issues
· Good at managing
· Good at the big picture
· Can operate at detail and overview levels at the same time
· Works very hard
· Helps others
· Nurturing
· Self-motivating
· Ambitious, driven
· Will give you the shirt off their back
· Gives credit where due
· Good at multi-tasking
· Eager to please
· Obedient…mostly
Weaknesses:
· UNDER. ESTIMATES. TIME. NEEDED FOR COMPLETION!
· Self-deprecates
· Apologizes way too much
· Tries to do everything for everyone; can be pushy
· Bounces between tasks, locations, and projects; can seem ditzy
· Expectations of others are too high
· Can get too caught up in details
· Rarely asks for help; considers it a failure
· Doesn't nurture herself
· Rebellious
· Expects others to work with no direction or too little information
· Critical
· Moody
· Defensive
· Takes on too many burdens and then complains
· Seems inconsistent
13. HOW TO GET A CROSS-DOMINANT TO PRODUCE:
· Stand back and get out of the way. They’ll do the rest.
· Ask them how to get something done; they’ll take over and do the entire thing for you.
· Acknowledge the things they’ve finished more than those they haven't. (They will act like it doesn’t matter, but you’ll gain points with them.)
14. THINGS A CROSS-DOMINANT SHOULD SAY TO HIM OR HERSELF:
· “One more thing” may kill me; I'd better leave something for next week.
· It dishonors people when I do their jobs for them, no matter how good my intentions might be.
· Instead of saying something is "done" or "not done," I can say it's 15% done or 38.9% done, or even 95% done and holding.
· Which of these tasks can someone else do besides me?
15. A TYPICAL CONVERSATION BETWEEN A CROSS-DOMINANT, A LINEAR, AND A SPARKLEBRAIN:
The Cross-Dominant starts off:
"Wouldn't it be cool to have a movie of when the first person learned to speak? I mean, how did they communicate for the first time (pointing), Um! Dead mastodon! I want to eat it! What a breakthrough that must have been!"
Then the Linear says:
"What do you care? It's over, and you're never going to see it."
The Sparklebrain:
"Eat! Boy, that makes me hungry! Let's go get a burger. Hey, have you been to that new burger place on Main Street? It's really cute!"
16. SUMMARY:
Of these three posts outlining the Personality Types, Sparklebrain, Linear, and Cross-Dominant, you will have one that describes you. I'm sure you've already figured it out by now.
You can also see by now that these Personality Types have to do with capabilities, skills, tendencies, and preferences, and nothing at all to do with I.Q., niceness/meanness, or money (but there is some reflection in personal style.)
It's like this: Buffaloes and ballerinas all have different roles to play, and there is room and there are roles for both of them. But let's not confuse the talents of one with the others. Just as you wouldn't expect a buffalo to dance en pointe, or to see herds of ballerinas thundering across the prairies, understand that each of these types can compliment the others instead of competing, so it's absolutely no use trying to make everyone the same! (There was a story some years back about football players taking ballet lessons to become more agile, but the program was quickly dropped. Good thing, as it's difficult to drop-kick a touchdown in toe shoes!)
Once you start matching tasks to people’s true skills they will deliver on a much higher level, and everyone will be happier and more productive. Best of all, you’ll have more time for doing the things you want to do.
Coming up, we'll start delving into the nitty gritty of getting organized" using these Personality Types, but first…
In the next issue:
WHAT IS AN ACCESS TYPE? WHICH IS YOURS? HOW CAN IT HELP YOU GET ORGANIZED?
There are three Access Types, each of which helps you figure out how you'd prefer to retrieve, or access things. In turn, you will learn how best to place items for your ultimate convenience, why you lose things (if you do,) and how to create a workspace that meets everyone's needs and results in greater productivity and reduced stress.
Later we'll talk about how the different Special Organizing Styles can go off the rails unless they know and use the upcoming Access Types. They can save your sanity, your career, your time, your fortune, and even your marriage.